Not So Awesome Thing #6 - The Most Awkward Encounter in the World

Yes, The Most Awkward Encounter in the World.

You run into a friend who you haven't seen in a while but remember how well you got along with them back in the day. Suddenly you faintly remember hearing that this friend of yours got engaged - and you haven't congratulated them for it yet! Perfect! Not only do you get to say hi and catch up, but you can be the great friend you wished you had always been by sounding like you have a clue about their personal life despite being apart all these months/years!

(ya, you might already know what's coming)

In a rush of excitement you blurt out "Hey buddy! long time no see! By the way - congratulations on the engagement!!!! So exciting!!!"

You don't notice that your friend starts to hesitate, look at everything else in the room but your face, and lose any color that ever existed in their's.

You drag it out a little more "it must be so exciting! you've waited so long for this!! When's the wedding date? Do you have a hall reserved yet? What band are you getting? Will there be multiple carving stations? open bar? sushi? Tellme tellme tellme!!!!"

Just then, your friend unleashes the most unholy of replies. A response I wish upon no one, and yet, an answer that seems unavoidable to most. Four words that no man or woman ever want to hear in any context.

(you knew it was coming)

 "Uh...we broke the engagement."

"......(silence)........(more silence)...."

"Oh."    "Oh God."

The 3 and 1/2 minutes you just spent trying to score brownie points with an old friend have just instantly turned into the most awkward moments of your recent memory. You look for a tucked away area in your immediate proximity, hoping that your friend will suddenly get distracted, allowing you to run and hide until he/she leaves the area. You consider responding "uh, wait...who are you again? I don't think we've ever met." in hopes your friend will get totally confused and walk away. But in reality, there's no use getting around it. It's here, and it's very real. All aboard the awkward train. Destination: you.

not. awesome. at all.

p.s. The same story but with marriage/divorce instead of engagement/unengagement increases the awkwardness by around 40,000%.  People - when you're trying to score points by bringing up things in peoples' personal lives with them, make sure you actually know their personal lives. Any guessing or assuming in this situation should be done with extreme caution. Be smart here, or you will be the only citizen of the town of awkwardville. Consider yourself warned.

p.p.s You may be reading this and thinking "how can you honestly feel bad for mr. awkward when it's his unengaged friend who has to live with that embarrassing moment for days/week/months afterwards?! To that I say...you're right. But still. You can be happily engaged, married, or Chinese for all I care - but if you try and give someone a big ol' mazel tov only to have the broken engagement bomb dropped on you, it's not awesome. Not awesome at all. Good luck out there.

Not So Awesome Thing #4 - The Spilled Milk

Courtesy of Jacob N., I give you, the Not So Awesome Thing #4: the case of the spilled milk.

So your having some cereal and you want to pour some milk into the bowl, but you accidentally spilled some off the side of the bowl. Not such a big deal. Or is it? You pick up the bowl to clean up the spilled milk and place to bowl down just inches away. Only now, there's a ring of spilled milk under location #2. When cleaning location #2, you move the bowl to location #3, STILL not realizing that "spilled milk disease" is slowly spreading to every area that you place your bowl. After 4 milk ring clean ups, you are beginning to suspect that a conspiracy is forming. Finally, you get smart and try to clean up spill location #7 WHILE holding the bowl of cereal+milk between your elbows when, suddenly, half of the milk pours out of your bowl.

no. so. awesome.




Thanks Jacob. What a great not awesome thing. 

NSAT #3

Not so awesome thing #3:

Dropping your glasses. Outside. At night. By yourself.

Not. So. Awesome.

Not So Awesome Thing #2

Not So Awesome Thing #2:

Buying something and immediately regretting it afterwards.

Examples include: buying shoes that definitely fit in the store but completely don't when trying them on at home,  buying an instant lottery ticket, ordering chinese food at 1am, buying anything that was advertised on tv, buying the entire series of gilmore girls on DVD, buying airwalks, gettin any "best of the 80's" compilation album at the 5$ rack at target,  buying a really expensive wallet, getting season tickets for the new jersey nets, winning any piece of clothing belonging to a dead celebrity at an auction, buying a plant, ordering any textbook ever bought in your entire lifetime (even for half price),  spending any amount of money on the ring toss game at six flags, buying a pirate costume, buying way too much ice cream at one time.

not so awesome.

1st not so awesome thing!

So here it goes!


The first not so awesome thing (for observant Jews, or anyone else that does the whole fast-day thing):


Accidentally fasting the day before a fast day. 


Other not so awesome things include: being offered free lunch on a fast day, hanging out near an outdoor barbecue on a fast day, morning breath on a fast day, watching kids eat lunch on a fast day, the last 45 minutes of a fast day, momentarily forgetting that it's a fast day and then suddenly remembering again, having a birthday on a fast day.


Not So Awesome.


One ironically awesome thing - being sick on a fast day.